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[ It's not as if Mizuki even has anything to challenge Clarke with here. For the most part, he agrees. Mostly because it's in his nature to agree with those he looks up to, but also because looking out for those he cares about it far more important than looking out for those he doesn't know all that well. Least of all pirates.

Still, he lulls his head a bit at Clarke's dismissal of karma. There's a cold laugh in return. Again, she's completely right. It's far too optimistic for anyone to think otherwise, even if Mizuki really wants to believe it. ]

...Fortitude. We need fortitude. I spent a lot of time in Terra learning what the means from people.

[ Usually by force. And usually without their choice in the matter. She doesn't need to know all the details right now, though. They're not important. ]

Do you think we have that here on this ship?

( it's always, always okay to want to believe in something that might make life a little more palatable. understandable. comforting, even. but it's important to separate aspirations and hopes from the often colder, harsher reality they were faced with. the idea of karma could be a blanket wrapped around ones shoulders on a cold night, but shouldn't be counted on to keep frostbite at bay. )

I think we have a lot of people who've had to be very strong in their home worlds. I think we have stubbornness in spades. ( she is directly speaking about herself here, tbh. ) We might even have competence. And durability.

But I don't know about fortitude. Not yet. ( far too many people have seemed at ease here; some even prefer this nonconsensual pleasure cruise a decent break from their home worlds. one man wishes to run away from the grief of losing people close to him, some consider this a disjointed afterlife or else that their deaths were robbed from them. one girl was far too interesting in eating italian dishes floating through the walls instead of figuring out just where they were coming from. )

We might not know for sure, until people are pushed to decide for themselves how hard they want to fight for their lives. What did you learn about fortitude? What do you think courage would look like here, in the face of insurmountable odds and mysterious forces?

[ There's a light laugh, then a small shrug. ] Well, that was sort of a problem that I ran into. Learning about people's fortitude started to make me doubt a lot of my original views. I cannot confidently answer what true fortitude is, but rather, I know it's something needed for situations like this. It's a strange place to be in, right? But I've met many people who were confronted with their options-- calmly accept one's demise, or struggle to live on at any cost. When making the choice at their leisure, people who often say they'd choose the latter, as it's "simply" a matter of survival. Yet those who are forced to swallow the contents of those choices, in the heat of the moment...

[ He picks up his hand and twists it around to play with one of his side bangs idly as he kicks his feet in his chair, like he's talking to Clarke about something mundane or just talking about his day. ]

They've proven that instinct alone cannot give rise to true fortitude. They are easily crushed, or easily destroyed, or easily lose themselves.

[ He lulls once more, and... just starts to look tired. ]

... I don't know what it means to have it. I would like to see someone show it to me, though. And I think we need it desperately on this ship.

( wow okay.

clarke distinctly remembers only giving him bits and pieces of information about her home world, most generalized and sweeping. none of the specifics, at least not without the dressing and plausible deniability of hypotheticals. so why does this conversation feel like it's taken such sharp and sudden turn into directly calling her out? her and the remnants of the 100; all of the sky people, all of the clans in the face of the apocalypse. easily crushed, easily destroyed, easily lost — and it's hard not to take that as a condemnation of jasper jordan, who'd stared down at the deathwave and decided he'd rather paint dnr on his hand and go out smiling instead of fighting anymore. )

The same person could fight tooth and nail to survive on instinct alone, willingly accept the consequences, and still decide it wasn't worth to go through a second time. It's not an either or scenario. The people, the times, the circumstances, and the desire to live — all of those change. I don't think you'd get any more solid a definition of true fortitude than you would true hysteria.

I can't offer you a textbook definition or example. But I guarantee those who've swallowed their consequences without issue somethings wished they'd choked on them.

...Perhaps you're right. For true hysteria, I definitely understand your point of view. Here, though, I'm afraid I have to disagree. I believe that true fortitude, in the long term, will better one's "self". In the end, people with that fortitude will make the worlds- this place or otherwise- better. Brighter futures, better people, and the knowledge to pass onto others.

I can only hope that whoever has something like that will share their thoughts and feelings with me. Maybe then I'll finally understand.

( but mizuki!!! that's exactly what's happening here!

though clarke can gauge that her meaning isn't quite getting through to him. or maybe it is, and just really disagrees with that assessment, but he'd be wrong to. she briefly casts around for a way to explain it that might make more sense, and lands upon... )

Brave people can have evil motives. Genocidal warlords have the resolve and confidence to think they're doing the right thing. Not all types of fortitude are geared towards the betterment or survival of humanity, or would make the world a better place. Even what starts as the best of intentions can quickly become the worst sort of crime.

Have you never heard that every villain is the hero of their own story?

[ He never claimed to be a smart man, okay? Okay.

But he is very dead set on this sort of thing. If just because it's something he's seen over and over and over. To the point where his whole worldview on how people work and what they think and what that means to him had changed completely. He still has more to say on the matter, of course, and many thoughts that he needs to sort through to truly convey himself, but he simply shakes his head for now. ]

I haven't.

( okay, so, hypothetical time: )

Two factions view each other as threat. One sends an army to kill the invading party, but that party's leader manages to kill an entire army to protect ( her — the slip up almost happened. ) their people. Now they're a villain to their enemies, and a hero to their people.

Which opinion do you think is right?

Mmmh... [ Ah yes, hello, decisions. His worst enemy. ] I don't really have the context to answer this effectively. "Invade" carries a negative connotation, but my company back home would do this for the health and protection of innocents.

... But certainly, it'll be the side with the more righteous intentions.

( clarifications: )

The invaders didn't think they've be stepping on anyone else's toes, but now they're stuck. Both sides just want to survive and preserve their way of life, and both think they're equally righteous.

Who's the bad guy here?

( don't think his tendency to divert to the opinions of other people hasn't been noticed. as much as that's a useful ~~weapon~~ skill set to have in one's back pocket, she really really wants to hear how he'd pick. to gauge mizuki's fortitude, to learn about any stronger opinions he hides behind paltry smiles and pleasant idolization. to figure out how much she should tell him about her history of leaving bodies in the dust, in preparation for the fact they might have to do just that for jenny and her brothers in the near future — and feeling guilty about it would be a waste of time. )

... Ehehe. Sorry, Clarke, if it's like that, I can't answer... I really don't know. This is the sort of thing that the Doctor would decide for me, you know? It's why I want to ask other people such hard questions. Maybe, you know, if I can learn from them...

Well, what have you learned so far? From the Doctor, and anyone else you've asked? What would they say.

...

[ Mizuki hangs his head for a moment, trying to go over the options in his mind. But it's so hard for him to put himself in that sort of situation. What would the Doctor say? He's not the Doctor. That's the whole point. That's the whole problem. He wants to understand that stance, that view, these choices, these options-- it's so hard, though. If he knew what the answer was to anything, he wouldn't struggle nearly as hard to...

He winces a bit, and shakes his head a little with his head still hung. ]

I don't know.

[ Sorry, Clarke. Doesn't look like an answer is happening. ]

( it's a little frustrating. she'd partially hoped he'd at least give her examples of hard choices the doctor has made in the past, from which clarke could then better extrapolate... well, mizuki's limits. the extent of his learned morality. or at least a little bit more about the odd dynamic she senses between him and his master. it'd always be so, so much easier to understand someone if they all just came with manuals, or conversational scripts. she'd feel a lot less like walking on egg shells and trying to figure out which ruthless idea was going to prove to be too much for him.

everyone had a limit.

but mizuki just sort of... deflates. sags around the shoulders, won't meet her eyes anymore. the disconnect is that he genuinely doesn't know the answer here, and clarke assumes he just doesn't want to say.

indecision is still a choice, when doing nothing would prove just as deadly as lashing out. but being stuck on hard questions isn't anything new for her either. a slightly soft, equally coaxing and coaching tone infiltrates her voice — oddly similar to the tone her mother used at patients bedsides, and while stroking tear from her daughters face. )

I don't think anyone would really know what to do in that sort of situation. Not at first, at least. But in the thick of things it gets a lot easier to act instead of just think. And I've heard you make this sort of decision before. ( maybe just under the guise of a hypothetical, but it counts. also absolutely not apples to oranges to their very first conversation, but as the maker of lists and the member of the invading party here, clarke's a little... biased. skewed. )

You'd do anything you could to keep the people you care about safe, right? It doesn't matter if, in the end neither side is evil. If peace and coexistence can't be reached, one side is going to lose and one will win — it's less about who's right or good, just who's desperate enough or has the most fire power. Protecting your loved ones doesn't mean you're not killing someone else's, and that goes for both sides. There's no bad guys, just victims.

[ He would apologize for not answering, but if he apologized for every single time he didn't make a decision, it would be the only phrase out of his mouth. And, honestly, he's not all that sorry that he can't make decisions like this. If someone is around to make it for him, then doesn't that just make the other person happy? ]

... Mh. If I were a part of it at all, I would pick the side with my loved ones involved. But... that is why I am not in charge of making decisions like that. My decisions will always be selfish. [ Always, always, always... ] But if someone kind and heroic were making the decisions, then it would be okay.

I know you think that things are not so... definitive like that, and... I know that they're not. But... it's hard for me to see... that. There's no blurry lines or questionable outcomes or... anything like that. There's good ends and bad ends. The heroes and the villains. The rights and the wrongs. I... don't... understand the in-betweens. I'm trying to. But...

[ Mizuki looks more and more uncomfortable as he talks about this, fidgeting in his seat and worrying his gloves against the handle of his umbrella. ]

( any trace remnants of frustration over a lack of answer melt from her shoulders as mizuki stop-starts-trails-off through somewhat fumbling thoughts. having been on the receiving end of abruptly posed, weighted, hard choices, clarke can belatedly chide herself for pushing at him for an answer. it wasn't a comfortable position to be in, and just because solutions come to mind for her more immediately now doesn't mean she can't recall all the waffling, self-flagellating, and emotionally violent hoops she'd had to jump through in the beginning.

it's perfectly fine he doesn't have an answer here. it's just a hypothetical after all, right? real decisions were hard to make outside of the pressing finality of real threats.

and really, it's enough to hear him summarize that he'd pick his friends over anyone else again. if she'd been subconsciously trying to figure out where their priorities aligned, at least they shared that particularly strong thread wrapped around their hearts. )

Hey — ( soft again, with a tease of silence immediately after while clarke waits to see if he'd lift his gaze to her face again. then she can nod, a small, forlorn smile pushed to the edge of her lips. ) It's okay. That you haven't figured it out yet. It's not supposed to be easy.

But you should think on it. There might not always be someone around to make those types of decisions for you.

[ His smile is nervous, at first, and he attempts to say some sort of "thank you" for attempting to comfort him, but is briefly caught off guard by her very next line. This, actually, sheds all the nerves from him entirely, and he instead smiles very genuinely at her. ]

Oh, that won't be a problem. [ Very matter-of-factly. ] I'll protect that person, no matter what. And I am very good at protecting people.

( look, it's nice that he's so optimistic and assured. but that doesn't change the fact clarke can spot a dozen blaring holes in that argument that seems to comfort mizuki so much. )

Just... think on it. Please.

( not an out and out demand, but damned if clarke isn't shoveling weight on those words in an attempt to get her way. )

[ It might not be a demand to Clarke, but the sternness of it makes Mizuki believe it is one. And he's not one to turn down an order like that. He continues smiling and gives a little nod. ]

Alright, I'll do my best. [ Though, he can't say his best is all that good... ] Sorry I couldn't be of more assistance... but I hope I was able to give you something new to work with?

You've given me a lot to think about, Mizuki. Thank you.

( maybe nothing expressly new, that she hadn't already garnered from her own chats with pirate jenny or being filled in on natsuno's findings — with the fun bonus of jade curtis in the background, offering unwanted but not unwelcome commentary. and then there's so... so much to consider about her little cannibalistic jellyfish friend, with this inability to form his own convictions suddenly at the forefront.

willing to protect whomever he chooses to align himself with to the death, it seemed. willing to follow through hard, bloody orders and terminate enemies. all too happy to be of assistance, and begging for direction...

really, sometimes mizuki comes off more like a weapon begging to be wielded than a person. and as her own personalized instrument of destruction and death, clarke doesn't know what she honestly thinks about that realization. )

Was there anything else you wanted to tell me?

[ Being a weapon begging to be used is not too far off from exactly what Mizuki sees himself as, really. And it may only take a little more time for Clarke to see that in full, if only because Mizuki is often one to speak his mind. There's only a few secrets he keeps to himself, and even then, those aren't too hard to pry out of him. ]

It's not a problem. I want to help where I can.

[ I want to be useful. ]

I think that's everything? For now, anyway. I can report back to you if something else comes up, though. Hopefully, it can just be something I can relay to you over the app next time.

( there are several things to hit on within the scope of her response here, and clarke starts from... the middle. ish. whatever. )

I don't mind if you prefer telling me in person. ( what were alliances — dare one even say friendships — with interpersonal barriers held between them? unproductive, that's what. even if he ends up telling her the same things she already knows ten times over, clarke would rather be one of the first people to learn new things about their circumstances just because mizuki thought he could only text her. )

I appreciate learning whatever you have to tell, and really hope you'll keep sharing these things with me.

( lastly, onto the main reason she'd asked — )

But if we're done here, are you hungry?

( ...for food. for FOOD. but later clarke will realize how horribly this was phrased. )

[ !!! ] I certainly do like hanging out with you, if that's what you mean! [ It's probably not, but he can give her compliment-adjacent things. ] And I will let you know if anything else comes up. I think it's important to have someone reliable around who can sort through the information, and... I at least feel like you fit that bill.

[ Look, it's fine... He understands! This time. ]

Oh! Absolutely. I'd kill for some shrimp right now, actually. [ ... Maybe not literally. ]

( it's not, but like. if you're after being disappointed in answers, ask clarke griffin if she likes anything here, or even has the headspace to relax enough to realize she's accidentally making friends on board, not just allies.

this time. this time?!? mizuki please. )

Then let's go to the buffet. Come on.

( she's only half feral on her best days, and will at least this time use a fork and knife. )

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