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Well, what have you learned so far? From the Doctor, and anyone else you've asked? What would they say.

...

[ Mizuki hangs his head for a moment, trying to go over the options in his mind. But it's so hard for him to put himself in that sort of situation. What would the Doctor say? He's not the Doctor. That's the whole point. That's the whole problem. He wants to understand that stance, that view, these choices, these options-- it's so hard, though. If he knew what the answer was to anything, he wouldn't struggle nearly as hard to...

He winces a bit, and shakes his head a little with his head still hung. ]

I don't know.

[ Sorry, Clarke. Doesn't look like an answer is happening. ]

( it's a little frustrating. she'd partially hoped he'd at least give her examples of hard choices the doctor has made in the past, from which clarke could then better extrapolate... well, mizuki's limits. the extent of his learned morality. or at least a little bit more about the odd dynamic she senses between him and his master. it'd always be so, so much easier to understand someone if they all just came with manuals, or conversational scripts. she'd feel a lot less like walking on egg shells and trying to figure out which ruthless idea was going to prove to be too much for him.

everyone had a limit.

but mizuki just sort of... deflates. sags around the shoulders, won't meet her eyes anymore. the disconnect is that he genuinely doesn't know the answer here, and clarke assumes he just doesn't want to say.

indecision is still a choice, when doing nothing would prove just as deadly as lashing out. but being stuck on hard questions isn't anything new for her either. a slightly soft, equally coaxing and coaching tone infiltrates her voice — oddly similar to the tone her mother used at patients bedsides, and while stroking tear from her daughters face. )

I don't think anyone would really know what to do in that sort of situation. Not at first, at least. But in the thick of things it gets a lot easier to act instead of just think. And I've heard you make this sort of decision before. ( maybe just under the guise of a hypothetical, but it counts. also absolutely not apples to oranges to their very first conversation, but as the maker of lists and the member of the invading party here, clarke's a little... biased. skewed. )

You'd do anything you could to keep the people you care about safe, right? It doesn't matter if, in the end neither side is evil. If peace and coexistence can't be reached, one side is going to lose and one will win — it's less about who's right or good, just who's desperate enough or has the most fire power. Protecting your loved ones doesn't mean you're not killing someone else's, and that goes for both sides. There's no bad guys, just victims.

[ He would apologize for not answering, but if he apologized for every single time he didn't make a decision, it would be the only phrase out of his mouth. And, honestly, he's not all that sorry that he can't make decisions like this. If someone is around to make it for him, then doesn't that just make the other person happy? ]

... Mh. If I were a part of it at all, I would pick the side with my loved ones involved. But... that is why I am not in charge of making decisions like that. My decisions will always be selfish. [ Always, always, always... ] But if someone kind and heroic were making the decisions, then it would be okay.

I know you think that things are not so... definitive like that, and... I know that they're not. But... it's hard for me to see... that. There's no blurry lines or questionable outcomes or... anything like that. There's good ends and bad ends. The heroes and the villains. The rights and the wrongs. I... don't... understand the in-betweens. I'm trying to. But...

[ Mizuki looks more and more uncomfortable as he talks about this, fidgeting in his seat and worrying his gloves against the handle of his umbrella. ]

( any trace remnants of frustration over a lack of answer melt from her shoulders as mizuki stop-starts-trails-off through somewhat fumbling thoughts. having been on the receiving end of abruptly posed, weighted, hard choices, clarke can belatedly chide herself for pushing at him for an answer. it wasn't a comfortable position to be in, and just because solutions come to mind for her more immediately now doesn't mean she can't recall all the waffling, self-flagellating, and emotionally violent hoops she'd had to jump through in the beginning.

it's perfectly fine he doesn't have an answer here. it's just a hypothetical after all, right? real decisions were hard to make outside of the pressing finality of real threats.

and really, it's enough to hear him summarize that he'd pick his friends over anyone else again. if she'd been subconsciously trying to figure out where their priorities aligned, at least they shared that particularly strong thread wrapped around their hearts. )

Hey — ( soft again, with a tease of silence immediately after while clarke waits to see if he'd lift his gaze to her face again. then she can nod, a small, forlorn smile pushed to the edge of her lips. ) It's okay. That you haven't figured it out yet. It's not supposed to be easy.

But you should think on it. There might not always be someone around to make those types of decisions for you.

[ His smile is nervous, at first, and he attempts to say some sort of "thank you" for attempting to comfort him, but is briefly caught off guard by her very next line. This, actually, sheds all the nerves from him entirely, and he instead smiles very genuinely at her. ]

Oh, that won't be a problem. [ Very matter-of-factly. ] I'll protect that person, no matter what. And I am very good at protecting people.

( look, it's nice that he's so optimistic and assured. but that doesn't change the fact clarke can spot a dozen blaring holes in that argument that seems to comfort mizuki so much. )

Just... think on it. Please.

( not an out and out demand, but damned if clarke isn't shoveling weight on those words in an attempt to get her way. )

[ It might not be a demand to Clarke, but the sternness of it makes Mizuki believe it is one. And he's not one to turn down an order like that. He continues smiling and gives a little nod. ]

Alright, I'll do my best. [ Though, he can't say his best is all that good... ] Sorry I couldn't be of more assistance... but I hope I was able to give you something new to work with?

You've given me a lot to think about, Mizuki. Thank you.

( maybe nothing expressly new, that she hadn't already garnered from her own chats with pirate jenny or being filled in on natsuno's findings — with the fun bonus of jade curtis in the background, offering unwanted but not unwelcome commentary. and then there's so... so much to consider about her little cannibalistic jellyfish friend, with this inability to form his own convictions suddenly at the forefront.

willing to protect whomever he chooses to align himself with to the death, it seemed. willing to follow through hard, bloody orders and terminate enemies. all too happy to be of assistance, and begging for direction...

really, sometimes mizuki comes off more like a weapon begging to be wielded than a person. and as her own personalized instrument of destruction and death, clarke doesn't know what she honestly thinks about that realization. )

Was there anything else you wanted to tell me?

[ Being a weapon begging to be used is not too far off from exactly what Mizuki sees himself as, really. And it may only take a little more time for Clarke to see that in full, if only because Mizuki is often one to speak his mind. There's only a few secrets he keeps to himself, and even then, those aren't too hard to pry out of him. ]

It's not a problem. I want to help where I can.

[ I want to be useful. ]

I think that's everything? For now, anyway. I can report back to you if something else comes up, though. Hopefully, it can just be something I can relay to you over the app next time.

( there are several things to hit on within the scope of her response here, and clarke starts from... the middle. ish. whatever. )

I don't mind if you prefer telling me in person. ( what were alliances — dare one even say friendships — with interpersonal barriers held between them? unproductive, that's what. even if he ends up telling her the same things she already knows ten times over, clarke would rather be one of the first people to learn new things about their circumstances just because mizuki thought he could only text her. )

I appreciate learning whatever you have to tell, and really hope you'll keep sharing these things with me.

( lastly, onto the main reason she'd asked — )

But if we're done here, are you hungry?

( ...for food. for FOOD. but later clarke will realize how horribly this was phrased. )

[ !!! ] I certainly do like hanging out with you, if that's what you mean! [ It's probably not, but he can give her compliment-adjacent things. ] And I will let you know if anything else comes up. I think it's important to have someone reliable around who can sort through the information, and... I at least feel like you fit that bill.

[ Look, it's fine... He understands! This time. ]

Oh! Absolutely. I'd kill for some shrimp right now, actually. [ ... Maybe not literally. ]

( it's not, but like. if you're after being disappointed in answers, ask clarke griffin if she likes anything here, or even has the headspace to relax enough to realize she's accidentally making friends on board, not just allies.

this time. this time?!? mizuki please. )

Then let's go to the buffet. Come on.

( she's only half feral on her best days, and will at least this time use a fork and knife. )

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