skaikru | inbox @ comesailaway

Can you come to 109? I need your advice.

[Whenever Clarke arrives, she'll find Natsuno sitting on his bed, sorting through a box. Some items are laid out on the mattress: a pressed flower, red-and-black friendship bracelet, a bundle of withered white chrysanthemums and a photo of his parents.

He's wondering about certain things, and about people he lost.]

( it's not like he has to word it so politely, or even really ask. "come to 109" would have been sufficient, and "i need you" would have cut the two minute time span between that text ding and the arrival knock on his door in half. but anyways, she's here. stops in the middle of the room to take in the collage display of memorabilia laid out on the bedspread, then creeps closer to perch on the foot of the mattress.

the friendship bracelet she can pretty immediately place. mizuki had shoved a dozen of the same, rudimentarily braided cords in her hand once upon a time. they live in a desk drawer now.

the air already feels heavy around the conversation. )

...what's on your mind?

[Clarke's friendship bracelet is also there, used to bookmark a copy of The Amulet of Samarkand on his nightstand. A plush toy suspiciously resembling Rita rests next to the book.

He hopes he never has to delegate them to the box, too.]

The meeting in Tayrey's cabin. Do you think there's a point to keep going?

( ah, right. that.

clarke had been there for the entirety, but had remained a stationary object in the background, predominately just listening and jotting down coded notes. objectively, she'd mostly allowed her friends to flounder in the conversation. but between being called leadership material by valdis and ari trying to nudge her towards that role, it felt like it was for the best considering how most of her leadership ventures had played out. )

Keep going like keep trying to figure out how to kill the Captain? Absolutely.

Keep going like keep attending meetings where we just talk circles around each other? ...I don't know. I don't know if any of us know exactly what to do, despite all the information we have. That makes it hard to start planning anything concrete.

[Natsuno nods. The hypotheticals and talking circles frustrated him as well, and yet... he was hesitant to push forward by sharing what he does know.]

I feel the same way. Honestly, I still don't know if I can trust most of them. [He trusts Clarke to know it means not you, Rita and Palamedes.] You heard Tayrey - she'd bind him and leave us to clean up the mess. She still thinks she can go back. Her and Cassandra doubt half the information they do have.

[He frowns, gaze trailing over the memorabilia. He isn't used to second-guessing himself, always made a point of facing the consequences without regret, but now...]

I told Jade that whatever reasons he had to keep "Vile" a secret, they weren't good enough. That he's a hypocrite. And now I'm doing the same thing. How do you know if a secret is worse when you keep it, or when you tell?

( ah, so this is the heart of it. this is the conversation they're having. clarke mulls over his words for a few moments, then shifts. draws her legs up on the bed proper and sits criss cross applesauce, elbows on her knees and chin resting in her palms. she looks at the items he's strewn across the bedspread but doesn't quite focus on them.

it's nice natsuno feels he can still lean on her for hard decisions, even after the incident with the sun el. it's nice and it's heartening, and she wants to help. but the whole situation still sucks so much. )

That's a hard thing. And honestly a pretty thin line. Most of the time I'd say trust your gut, and you did that; that was good, and I'll follow your judgement. It's just... It's different. Vile was a ticking timebomb and Skulduggery hid it out of shame, genie is a weak spot and something the Captain hides out of fear.

What do you think is the worst that could happen if we told the whole ship what he is?

[Even after the sun el, he still values her experience and advice. Still values her vote of confidence on his decisions.]

The worst? [His reply is immediate, without hesitation.] He finds out we all know, decides it's not worth the risk and destroys everyone who isn't Skulduggery. Starts again with a fresh batch that has no clue.

[He's sure of that. Someone who escape his tormentors once will do anything to make sure he never goes back. Show your value to me, the captain said back at the trial. If he thinks they're more trouble than good - he'll throw them into the void.]

( she grimaces slightly, though natsuno paints a pretty vivid picture. or rather, a bleak picture considering they'd probably all end up in the nothing, and what could be more desolate existence than that? )

Okay, so not everyone on board needs to know. And what's the worst case scenario if we only told our people at the meeting?

Someone tries to bind him and fails.

[There are many ways it can go wrong: the magic doesn't work, the captain breaks free before they can gain their own freedom, Skulduggery's people interfere.]

The captain destroys everyone he can get his hands on in revenge and starts over, only this time it's a much worse system, because he won't allow himself to be bound again.

( ah, so much the same as the first. this time clarke foregoes the reminder that the captain is a lazy piece of shit and would probably stop halfway through razing team mutiny if distracted by a cupcake. she also sits on the remark that seeing someone try and fail to bind him could be informative.

she'd had a point to this, and continues onto it. )

And worst case scenario if we keep it just between us? ( the trust is mutual, she knows he knows she means rita and pal as well. but rita and pal aren't here right now. )

We try to kill him and fail.

[Natsuno isn't stupid, he knows she's leading him somewhere, but he follows along. He asked for her insight, so he will answer honestly without trying to figure out her angle.]

I think he'll react better to murder attempts than binding. But worst case scenario, so let's assume he realizes we used a genie-specific method.

He decides the risk is too big and destroys us.

( ah, so all his worst case scenarios end the same. falling back on the cushion of being raised as part of a transitional generation, but — ) We could be destroyed at any time. ( — the thought doesn't scare her so much. )

I think the worst case scenario for keeping it to ourselves is one day we disappear. ( she's resisted this long, but now reaches forward and picks up the friendship bracelet mizuki made him. pulls it through her fingers, feeling each fiber of string against the ridges of her fingerprints. ) You and me. None of the others have been here as long as we have. That'd leave everyone outside of Skulduggery's group, everyone of a like mind — back at square one. They'd have to waste time picking up bread crumbs and slogging through mythology in order to catch up to where we are now, and that just isn't fair.

...you're right.

[He hadn't thought of that, too annoyed and mistrustful of the others, too worried about his friends getting hurt in a failed attempt. He's not the kind of person who cares about the bigger picture, but Clarke is.]

I don't care about everyone else. [Clarke and Rita, Pal and Jade. There are some passengers he likes well enough, but he won't go through and hell back from them.] But I know what the nothing is like. If we disappear... I don't want us to be stuck there forever. So when you put it like that, I'd want the others to find a way out.

[Natsuno picks up Lumine's pressed flower. He really misses her wisdom in moments like this, her immortal perspective.]

But I'm scared. It's like... there's a difference between messing up on our own and giving someone else the power to mess up, even if the result is the same.

( one corner of her mouth twitches as she fiddles with the edges of the friendship bracelet. tight braided and lumpy, ending in a knot, and then just frayed ends of string. you ever related to an inanimate object on a level you can't even quite articulate? )

It's okay to be scared. ( fear can't be death when death is commonplace and meaningless. the nothing is terrifying, but clarke is tired. ) It's a good motivator. But don't let it paralyze you either. Even with the worst case scenario, don't forget someone could always come along who'd actually know what to do with the information we've found.

( a sigh, because talking about what others might accomplish after your prospective demise is not a nice chat. it feels like preemptive failure, and tired or not, she's not ready for that. the thought is purged, and she looks from the bracelet to natsuno. he's distracted looking at a pressed flower, and clarke reaches out to prod his leg; get him to look up. )

Hey. We can't control what other people do with the knowledge. But we can start small, just to test the waters. Maybe just one person, who we could do our best to help not mess up. And ( who else had she told recently that fear wasn't a bad thing? ) for that, my choice would be Vance Hopper.

Edited 2023-02-22 09:38 (UTC)

[Natsuno looks up at the touch and lowers the hand holding the flower to his lap.]

I'm trying. It's just that - I forgot what it's like when you have something to lose.

[He wants to live and be with his friends. He doesn't want to mess up a second time.]

What's Vance like?

[From what little he's seen, he's eager to act and willing to make sacrifices, but not so good at keeping calm under pressure.]

I mean, you've met him. ( as to sum up all the things vance hopper is on the surface: ) He's angry. He's loud. He cut off Friday's head when she was possessed on Halloween. ( oh, right, natsuno hadn't seen that with his own eyes. uh. ) His hair's really big. He thinks "being cool" is important. And he's not afraid to speak his mind.

( and then, after a beat, to humanize him: ) He's scared. He's trying. He's worried about the revenants stuck in the Nothing. He can't spell, but was still willing to read books with me. He ( ... no, decidedly she won't tell natsuno everything. ) hates eggs. Wants the same thing we want. And one time he offered to punch a shark for me. I trust him.

But more importantly —

( then maybe the least sentimental point: ) He was very willing to walk away from what we're trying to do when he felt like you were purposefully keeping him in the dark. Let's not burn the whole bridge down just because it wobbles; let's instead focus on mending the most frayed ropes. I want to start with Vance, but you have to actually do it.

Edited (redundancy ) 2023-02-23 07:04 (UTC)

[Most of it is irrelevant to Natsuno, except for two important facts: he stopped a possessed Friday, and he was ready to tell him to fuck off and do things on his own. Both are commendable, and Clarke doesn't just trust him - she likes him.]

He said he can hold back, too. Alright. I'll tell him what I know.

[Mending frayed ropes, huh? He can do that. Extending your trust can be rewarding as it is dangerous.]

And with the others - I'm not burning the bridge. I'm just... not lowering it all the way yet, I guess.

( good. she's contented in natsuno taking her advice, and can now just only sit back and watch. hope it wasn't in vain and her impression of vance hopper wasn't too far off the mark. she makes a mental note to check in on him soon, then literally sits back — leaves mizuki's friendship bracelet in one hand, and slides the other back on the mattress to lean on. )

That's good. To take your time. Just — don't forget why we were all there.

( and mildly circling around to an earlier point: ) In the end, it doesn't matter if Tayrey just wants to run. We don't need everyone around to finish him off, but we need whatever they can offer to even get to that point.

[Natsuno nods, feeling slightly better. He'll talk to Vance and then focus on making his mind about the others. Take his time, but not too much.]

That's true.

What do you think about Tayrey and Cassandra?

( clarke takes his nod as assent and cooperation. she makes the mental note to reach out to vance in the following week, preferably in person, and take a beat on where he stands after learning their best estimation of the truth. but for now: )

Tayrey is... rigid. Like you said, the way she doesn't believe in impossible magic that's staring her right in the face is difficult. ( sort of like rita not believing in ghosts until they were trying to kill them all in october, but she doesn't bring that up. ) But she's incredibly driven. We don't need her to believe everything in order for her to be useful.

Cassandra is ( admittedly a little more an enigma. clarke remembers sitting on the floor of tauva with the other woman and marveling over spoons and ice cream. that's a nicely hazed memory, but absolutely useless in reality. ) ...polite and firm. I don't see anyone swaying her from her ideals. And I hope no one does. I'm... wary. But I think she could be the second person you tell.

( and now it's his turn. ) What do you think about Dimitri and Dedue?

[Natsuno is less charitable when it comes to Tayrey, but - she is on their side, and he agrees with Clarke's assessment of Cass. She wears courtesy like a mask, but she's firm and honest. She can be as rigid as Tayrey when it comes to collecting information, but her experience with magic and the supernatural makes her easier to talk to.]

Dimitri's heart is in the right place, but he's emotional. His objections to binding the captain sound more idealistic than practical, so that can be a problem with the others, but like you said about Tayrey - we don't need to agree on everything for him to be useful. Dedue... he's pretty quiet, but he and Dimitri seem close and will probably keep presenting a united front.

( the charity train just keeps derailing, because clarke's even less sold on dimitri and dedue — simply by never having had a one on one conversation with either — than ari and cass. but she also agrees with natsuno's assessment and hums. )

Dimitri was quite emotional in the desert. ( this comment smacks of unimpressed. she'd been driving mostly, but in the rearview mirror he'd seemed absolutely unable to be reasoned with. and then fell off the fucking rover. one can be as good hearted and idealistic as humanly possible, and still be a liability. but every cause needs its soldiers.

as for the other — )

I don't know how to feel about Dedue offering protection to Darcy and Skulduggery. I'd really like this to end without bloodshed, but it — ( is starting to feel inevitable, now different parties have formed and each staked their flag on the hills they're willing to die on. but clarke doesn't say that, she just pauses and gives a weak attempt at a humorous huff. ) Feels like only a matter of time before Darcy just punches me in the face. Am I not allowed to hit her back now?

He was a mess in the desert.

[It's been six months, but they have no way of knowing if he managed to pull himself together since.]

I think that Darcy won't let him protect her if she punches you in the face. She's the type to want to beat someone into submission on her own.

Anyway, it just means that Dedue doesn't want Skulduggery murdered, not that he agrees with him. And since murdering Skulduggery means retribution from the captain, one passenger's declaration isn't going to change things.

( okay but that's like, fucking hilariously accurate in the middle of an otherwise tense conversation. and clarke outright snorts; rolls her eyes and allows the rueful smirk to curve at the edges of her mouth. eventually fist fighting darcy is un-scratched out from her to do list, because natsuno is absolutely correct in his assessment.

but weird moment of levity done. back to seriousness, and the topic of retribution. )

Honestly surprised I made it ten feet from him after the rib thing, but — yeah, you're right. It'd be stupid to ignore the crossover of ideals and friendships on this ship. Being at odds with the people you care about is awful, though.

( ... )

I'm still sorry. About... what happened at the Bridge. ( and she looks at him carefully, like even a wrong glance might cause his skin to start callousing over and sloughing off again. ) I won't do that again.

It's my fault as much as it yours. [He chose to push the plunger.] But apology accepted.

[He's not fully recovered yet, a slight feverish glint lingering in his eyes even when he's just sitting on the bed. But there's no lasting damage and his body made the foreign substance its own. Natsuno hopes the residual illness will go away soon.]

When you say you won't do that again... [He looks her in the eye, serious.] Do you mean doing something this reckless, or telling me you're doing something reckless?

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skaikru - 2023-03-08 05:05 (UTC) - Expand

inbox @ comesailaway

february, after mutiny meeting

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