...I never felt like this.

[His choices were more selfish. Death was the only option and he never let himself think of the what if's.]

I couldn't bear the responsibility, at first, but couldn't let anyone else do it either. [If you can't become a hunter, you'll have ti become a victim.] It only made things worse.

So I don't think it's as bad as you're making it sound. Making the call so they wouldn't... I think it's brave.