( teleport her through time and space right back to the moment she burnt an entire army alive, or irradiated an entire population? no, clarke would not do a single thing differently. but those bloody moments had earned her the title of wanheda and sometimes she has to wonder — )
I get caught up, though. On wondering if I hadn't made those first few difficult decisions, maybe none of the rest of them would have happened. Or that maybe they could have been someone else's calls to make.
( she'd been holding her own gun at her side, running her thumb along the back of the slide in some unconscious attempt to ground herself in this reality, and not go spiraling into age old what if's and what could have been's. for a break from conversation, she levels her weapon out beyond the guard rail and fires three more times to match his cluster. the need to do something, to act out, to fight a little here — is overwhelming, but clarke comes back from it feeling none the more confident.
but maybe a tad more centered. )
Then the next one pops up, and it's just easier if I make the call. And I'm reminded, every time, that I'd do it willingly — over and over again — so long as it meant the people I cared about wouldn't have to bear that responsibility.
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( teleport her through time and space right back to the moment she burnt an entire army alive, or irradiated an entire population? no, clarke would not do a single thing differently. but those bloody moments had earned her the title of wanheda and sometimes she has to wonder — )
I get caught up, though. On wondering if I hadn't made those first few difficult decisions, maybe none of the rest of them would have happened. Or that maybe they could have been someone else's calls to make.
( she'd been holding her own gun at her side, running her thumb along the back of the slide in some unconscious attempt to ground herself in this reality, and not go spiraling into age old what if's and what could have been's. for a break from conversation, she levels her weapon out beyond the guard rail and fires three more times to match his cluster. the need to do something, to act out, to fight a little here — is overwhelming, but clarke comes back from it feeling none the more confident.
but maybe a tad more centered. )
Then the next one pops up, and it's just easier if I make the call. And I'm reminded, every time, that I'd do it willingly — over and over again — so long as it meant the people I cared about wouldn't have to bear that responsibility.
( the weight of it, it's soul crushing. )