wimdy: (real estate in your skin)
venti ([personal profile] wimdy) wrote in [personal profile] skaikru 2022-07-02 10:57 pm (UTC)

It's not your fault. [ that message comes in near instantly after her last. whatever he might cursedly say under truth, this much is the most important to say. ] It really is nobody's but mine. Please don't apologize and say you ruin things. I think that's far more accurate to me.

[ ....... ] I suppose that sounds very self pitying but I do think it's true. [ stupid, stupid honesty!!! well, it is true! jinx can be much happier without him he's sure. cool cool cool. no doubt mizuki would too but they're kind of in a tangled web here aren't they. ]

I also thought he'd chosen, back at the dinner party.
I don't quite blame Ebalon for killing me. It was a killing game after all, I'm more upset with what he'd done to my friend and of course he had attacked Dr Watson and Yuuki.
But I can tell the two of them care for each other and they surely suit each other and understand each other more than Mizuki and I do.
Still
I admit
It felt very lonely. I tried to turn down Mizuki twice before accepting him but I already know I did so for selfish reasons.
People should surely love who they want to love but I already know I'm unsuited for it.
Well, I'd really rather not think about it though. I'd really rather drink my brains out until I pass out.
[ ha hahah hahaha healthiest coping mechanisms go!! it never fails him though, so!! ] But yes, I don't suppose even I understand truly what we have.
I'm just sorry I came to you and

You likely know, you're very irresistible in a lot of ways. It seems even I'm not spared.
[ and he'll admit, he usually does what he wants. he'd tasted a hint of that worship from her--and then wanted more. ]

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